Thursday, July 8, 2010

I've got a case of the crazies

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am kind of an authority on insanity - have to be, between the family I grew up in, and the family I married into!  So I think I know what I am talking about when I say I am OUT OF MY FREAKING MIND.

I swear, the past 48 hours I have been so miserable with these moodswings - and yes, I did take it out on hubby when I finally got to talk to him last night (so sad - I hope he can forgive me!)

If I can't stabilize myself on my own by next week, I think I am going to have to go back on meds.  It has been a little over a year since I last went off my psych meds (for depression and anxiety) and I do have a medication that is 'safe' during pregnancy.  I just don't want to take it unless I really NEED it, you know?

My own personal battle for my sanity has been going on for over a decade.  Well, really, for my whole life - but I've only had the labels and treatment options for about ten years.  Over that time, I have gone for as long as a year at a time ON meds, and as long as 2 years at a time OFF meds.  I'm getting better overall at identifying the 'crazies' when they hit, knowing when to get help, etc. but this time I am a little confused as to how much of this is my chemical imbalance, and how much is pregnancy/hormone related.  *sigh* It's confusing, frustrating, and kind of isolating.

I'm working on it.

I will keep you all posted with my progress (or lack of progress). 

While I am talking about this, I'm gonna step up onto my soap box for a second - OK now everybody LISTEN UP!  Mental illness comes in many forms, and is more common than you might think.  It is also (in most cases) very TREATABLE!  So if you think you might be a little 'crazy' or are experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, etc. PLEASE please please please go get help.  You do NOT have to feel miserable all the time.  Don't suffer in silence!  It is OK to ask for help.  If you are against psych meds, there are other treatment options (everything from talking to a counselor, to accupuncture, to hypnotherapy, etc).  Find what works for you, and make the choices necessary to be as healthy as you can be.  Just know that the stigma attached to mental health issues is DUMB, and you deserve to FUNCTION and yes, even to be HAPPY/CONTENT from time to time. 

OK, now that I am done preaching about that, please take a minute to read my post from last week, My Deployment Playlist. And when you're done reading (and listening to) my top 5 songs, click the link at the bottom of my post so you can VOTE for me in Christina's contest.  I'm in 3rd place right now, falling help me out, will ya?


Renee said...

Gaile, Thank you for sharing such a personal thing. I understand the grip of depression and truly hope that you can get back on track soon. The family dynamics, deployment, pregnancy and hormones are playing hell on you right now - take care of yourself at all cost! It takes a strong person to recognize the need for help and to seek out the help!
Hugs to you!!

P.S. Thanks for the archive/Kindle information! I was able to successfully archive the books I've read!

Gaile said...

Thanks Renee, I hope I don't end up needing meds again right now, but if I do, I will take them - and any necessary steps to get me healthy and stable!
Oh, and I think hubby has forgiven me already for my outburst the other night... I got the SWEETEST email from him this morning. :)

Lynita said...

I know how you feel, I have been in that place, but if you need to don't ignore it. You have so much on your plate I would hate to have any of you suffer! Good luck, I am pulling for you!

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