Sorry for the language, but I really don't think a 'kinder' word would be appropriate here.
It came to light this morning, after a conversation with my friend, that I am WAITING for my husband to fail so I can rant and rave and go all 'psycho-bitch' on him.
Yeah, seriously.
See, my birthday is coming up in a couple weeks, and Hubby does not have a very good track record there. Last year was the first time *EVER* that I not only received a really nice gift from him (my iPad) but received it ON TIME. He's just not good about things like that - at least not WITH ME. Certain other people get realy nice gifts ON TIME every year from him, but I guess I just don't rate. This is why I was so pissed about Valentine's Day this year, because I really needed him to put in a little extra effort, and instead got even LESS effort than usual. In fact his only acknowledgement of the holiday at all was to give me an empty excuse a few days ahead, his usual, "whatever I get you for Valentine's Day is going to be late". Well, here I am over two months later, and STILL no token of his undying love for me. Not even a card.
Yeah, I feel loved. *ahem* NOT.
So, I was talking with a girlfriend this morning, and she asked me what I asked Hubs to get me for my birthday. I told her if he has ANY sense in his head he will check out my amazon.com wishlist, but that I honestly doubt he will even REMEMBER my birthday. Then I told her (somewhat gleefully, though I am ashamed to admit that) that I am HOPING he forgets......and then we both cackled like witches and joked about all the ways I can hurt him back if that happens.
SERIOUSLY.
I never knew I could be so horrible! The crap that came spewing out of my mouth this morning in this stupid hypothetical-revenge brainstorming session was worthy of a trashy reality TV show....."Heartless Bitches and the Men They Torture" or some such nonsense. It would get huge ratings, just for the train-wreck factor; you would flip through the channels and this show would come on and you would NOT be able to look away, no matter how horrifying. Like Toddlers & Tiaras.
Anyway, now that I realize what a complete and utter Bitch I have become, what should I do about it? I mean, I fully believe that the main reason Hubby tends to be so careless/thoughtless with me is because I let him, but I feel like I should at least give the poor guy a chance...maybe send him an email with the link to my Amazon wishlist? Or perhaps throw a post-it note reminder on his calendar to note my birthday?
What would you do?
**edit: I just re-read this, and it might come across that I want/expect some kind of perfect gift - this is NOT the case. I would literally be thrilled with a thoughtful card, or a list of ten things he loves about me, or whatever. Its the THOUGHT that counts, seriously.**
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7 comments:
My birthday is coming up soon (ugh...45), last year husband was deployed and NO ONE acknowledged my birthday (no gift, card, birthday cake) - it was...depressing :o( Sitting at the kitchen table last night my niece, husband and daughter were gathered around and my niece asked me what I want this year. Instead of the typical "Oh nothing, I have every thing I need"..I told her I want a specific type of earring. For my husband - I told him whatever he got should be sparkly and blingy in a size 6.5!
You shouldn't wait on pins and needles for your husband to NOT hit the mark. You should help him out here or you will get exactly what you think you'd get! Try the "honey, my birthday is coming up and I know you've got a lot on your mind. Instead of you trying to read my mind or draw a blank in frustration trying to figure out what to get me...here is the link to my amazon wish list to give you some ideas".
BTW: Unless my husband TOLD me he had an amazon wish list...I'd never ever think to go look there for gift ideas!
This approach may give him some relief to really come through for you.
Are we married to the same man? Lol Or maybe someone in the same family because my husband is EXACTLY the same. For Vday, I didn't get a single thing. Not a card, a gift, not even a Happy Valentines Day. Nothing.
Also, like you, I have learned to not expect anything from him. Although part of me wishes that he will come through. Then I get hurt when he doesn't.
I could PROBABLY accept my part in it and accept responsibility because I could probably say something about it and give him more hints about what I want... but I'm afraid of hurting him, of adding to his guilt and making him feel bad.
My husband is never around for my birthday. He is always gone. Good 'ol Marine Corps knows exactly when to send my husband away for training. I get late stuff all the time, but then again that isn't is fault. I think I would drop him a note, or something. Guys tend to be very forgetful. Which is unfortunate, but it happens. Sending him a little reminded will give him the benefit. I guess if I did remind him and he still forgets, then I think I would confront him. I mean that's what I would do.
Hi! I'm new around here :) But I must be married to the same man as you and manda! haha My birthday, Valentine's, and first wedding anniversary are all within 2 weeks of eachother and I KNEW he would forget all 3 and I was right... I didn't say anything before hand because I thought he'd at least remember one! ugh it hurts that he can't remember even one date on his own :( So I just end up being a miserable crank for two weeks :-/
Maybe show him this blog post?
My birthday is coming up too. I know he checks facebook, so I went on Etsy, and liked a bunch of stuff that I might want,so it'll come up in his news feed. I'm hoping he picks up on it!
i would go to "a weekend to remember" hosted by familylife.org.
my husband and i went to one and it was absolutely wonderful. really enabled us to have a "come ot jesus meeting" so to speak, although in your case it sounds like he needs some help outside of you.
i swear i dont work for them, i just thought it might help.
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