Music linkup week 41: "Asleep"

WOW, 41 weeks of this linkup?!?  REALLY?  Awesome. :)

My song this week has layered meanings for me - on the surface, I chose this song just because I am SO FREAKING TIRED.  Two nights in a row of NO sleep equals one cranky cranky woman! But who doesn't love The Smiths, no matter how tired you are?

The other reason I chose this song is to have another excuse to brag about my awesome friend, Janice Whaley.  I mentioned her once before - she created "The Smiths Project" last year, singing every Smiths song a cappela all in the course of a year.  Then she used kickstarter to actually make this into an album, which is now available in select record stores and through bandcamp.com.  I actually have known this amazing artist since we were KIDS, and am SO SO SO proud of her recent accomplishments!  She even recorded a duet with Curt Smith (of Tears For Fears) and it was released on his new album last month. 

I'm also floored that Janice has now taken on an even more daunting task: recording a solo album of original music.  I'm bringing this up because I think a lot of you might really 'dig' her voice, and might want to support her latest efforts via kickstarter (and thereby be among the first to get your hands on her new CD when it's all done!)  Her first track is available for FREE download on her website http://www.janicewhaley.com/ and here is HER version of the song I linked above:

Thanks for listening, now go link up YOUR jam this week over at Goodnight Moon!

Tea Time

I truly do miss this blog and all my milspouse bloggy friends!  Coming back soon with regular posts, but for now here are a few pictures my sister-in-law's baby shower today: 

I love having a reason to get pretty - especially when hubby is in a wonderful mood and takes ALL the boys shopping all day, giving me time to curl my hair, put on makeup, and even paint my fingernails.

It was a 'Ladies Tea Party' complete with HATS!  I used it as an excuse to get another wearing out of my new dress (from the Marine Corps Ball) before I shrink out of it.  It's already loose on me compared to a couple weeks ago!

The Scarlet Tea Room is beautiful, but WAY out of my own price range. I looked up their menu online ahead of time to see if there was anything 'healthy' for me to eat, and noticed that their five course afternoon tea service is normally $32 per person!  Wow.  Everything was absolutely BEAUTIFUL, though. 

I enjoyed the green tea so much, I had FOUR cups of it.  I've been drinking nothing but water for the past few months with this weight-loss challenge, so I was worried about calories.  Now I'm laughing at myself for worrying: I looked up the nutrition info on unsweetened green tea, it has all of TWO calories per 8 oz cup of tea!

I stayed away from these beautiful home-made scones......I know for a FACT they are way too high in calories AND fat for this girl.

I also skipped eating this adorable cookie:

(brought it home for hubby instead)

I tried to sip some champagne, but since I have not had ANY alcohol in three months, the first sip literally went right to my head.  Second sip was my LAST sip.

I had so much fun being GIRLY today, but I still love coming home to all my BOYS.  Life is beautiful!

music linkup week 40: Grow Old With You

I seriously hope I am not posting a duplicate song here.  Since this is one of my favorite songs of all time, from one of my favorite MOVIES of all time, it won't surprise me if it turns out I already posted this song earlier in the year.

If you have not seen The Wedding Singer yet, you are so totally missing out!  I love Adam Sandler AND Drew Barrymore, and even better, I used to live right down the street from the house that was used in the movie as the girls' house (in Sierra Madre, CA).  Awesome 80's music throughout the soundtrack, and a truly adorable story with lovable characters.

OK I'll stop gushing now, you get the point, right?

So, there's a scene where Adam Sandler's character sings this to his love, and it is AWESOME.  Like, TOTALLY, dude! ;)

I'm a sucker for a good romantic comedy. Make sure you watch this clip to the end! It's short, I promise.

Have you linked up your jam yet this week?  If not, go say hello to Amber (check out her awesome giveaways and even more awesome Etsy shop while you're there) and check out what everyone else is dancing to right now.  Then POST your song so we can dance along with you!

This button will get you there:

music linkup week 39: Running To Stand Still

WHOA, almost missed my weekly music linkup with Amber! 

The reason I almost missed it is that I have been going crazy, spinning my wheels, just BUSY BUSY BUSY.  For a taste of what I've been up to, you can check out my weight loss blog http://www.thinit2winit.wordpress.com/  I feel like I am running just to stand still! 

Which brings me to this week's song choice: Running To Stand Still by U2.

I'm honestly not sure what this song is ABOUT (probably drug use/abuse?) but I always liked the sound of it, and sing along to it whenever it comes on my iPod. (which is usually while I am RUNNING, these days!  YEAH!)

Have you linked up yet?  Go say howdy to Amber over at Goodnight Moon and share YOUR song for the week.  I wanna hear what you're grooving to!

Happy 236th Birthday Marines!

This year's Marine Corps Ball was absolutely amazing!  I've lost over 30 lbs in the last 8 weeks, so I was super excited to be able to buy a SIZE 18 dress instead of a SIZE 24.  (thanks, by the way, to those of you who helped me pick a dress!  I ended up wearing the one my hubby liked best, since he was the one who actually had to be SEEN with me all night.  But the dark blue one that got the most votes will probably be my dress for the 'finale' of my Vallley's Biggest Loser competition in a couple weeks.)

My mother-in-law came out to spend the weekend so she could stay with the kids, but since Bobblehead still nurses to sleep at night & again first thing in the morning, we decided not to get a hotel room.  Our ball was about an hour away, but this is SoCal - we drive that far on a daily basis around here. 

My friend and fellow contestant in Valley's Biggest Loser (and fellow milspouse) came over and did my hair & makeup.  I mostly wanted the false eyelashes, but she also gave me a beautiful airbrushed complexion that needed NO touch-ups all night!  I re-did my lipstick a few times over the course of the evening, but that was it.  My hair really does NOT hold any curl, but after she spent three long hours on my look, she added some extra hairspray just to be sure.  Amazingly, the curls held all night.  (Thanks Shannon!!!)

hair/makeup BEFORE

hair/makeup AFTER

The food was all delicious this year, but NONE of it was OK to eat on my current diet. I had a few selective bites of chicken & veggies, and had my salad with NO DRESSING. When they set the ridiculously beautiful cheesecake in front of us, I simply passed my plate to my husband - I knew if I tasted even one bite of it, I would eat the whole piece. (Thanks, hubby, for saving me from my former favorite dessert!)

Our guest of honor this year was R. Lee Ermey, and he was seriously HILARIOUS.  He was also very nice about making sure everyone at the ball had a chance to get an autograph or a picture, so we lined up for that almost as soon as the meal was over.  We even got the professional photo done this year, but won't get that until the next drill weekend, which is in December.  I'll definitely post that as soon as we get it!

Our coodinator this year set up an adjacent ballroom with space for the photographer & a mini "casino".  They had a craps table and a handful of blackjack tables.  No actual money involved, of course, but the longer you played, the more raffle tickets you could get, and at the end of the night they drew tickets for a couple of free trips to Vegas.  We didn't win, but Jarhead really enjoyed the whole thing!  In the end, we spent so much time in the casino room, we didn't get to dance because the DJ left EARLY.....like 11 PM (because NO ONE was dancing.  WTH?).  There was a high school reunion and some kind of formal party also at the same hotel, so we briefly toyed with the idea of crashing one of those parties to get our dance on, but in the end we skipped it.

It was just as well that we skipped the dancing, since my feet were KILLING me after a few hours in these 5 inch heels:

I actually limped out to the parking garage at about 10:30 PM to change into my 'backup shoes' and was SO SO happy that I had thought to bring them!  I mostly wanted an option that would be easy for me to drive home in, since I knew hubby was planning to drink a bit.  **ha ha A BIT?  He had like 8 Vodka/Red Bulls in about 4.5 hours.  He was SHITFACED.** 

Hubby basically never drinks, but if he hadn't, we'd never have gotten a picture of him SMILING!  I love this picture, & have already ordered a print to have framed.  Yes, he looks extra goofy  but it's so dang CUTE.  LOVE, love, love seeing him smile & relax, especially after the past 11 months of tangible stress.

music linkup week 38: Paint It Black

Music linkup time again....ALREADY?!?!  Wow this week went by SO FAST.

Last Saturday was our Marine Corps Ball, and check out the guest of honor:

Yes, that's really R. Lee Ermey!  I'll blog about the ball later (SOON, I hope!)  In the meantime, enjoy the song that plays during the credits of the movie that made Gunny Ermey famous, Full Metal Jacket.  The song?  Why, "PAINT IT BLACK", of course!

**WARNING, before you click, you should know that this video contains very graphic violence.  If you are squeamish (like me) then just listen to the music and DON'T watch the screen**

Rock on, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINES!

Don't forget to go visit Amber over at Goodnight Moon and link up YOUR song this week!

music linkup week 37:Money Honey

My whirlwind schedule is full of working out this week, and I desperately need to squeeze in more sleep somewhere (sleep is a KEY ingredient in weight loss!)

In the interest of stealing some more sleep, this post will have to be short and sweet.  I can't explain why this specific song always makes me push a little harder in a workout, but if it is not in your workout playlist, IT SHOULD BE!

Lady Gaga has saved more workouts than I can count!  I don't care if you love her, hate her, whatever, but just TRY not to have any extra bounce in your step with a Gaga beat in your ear.

Have you linked up yet?  If not, go see Amber over at Goodnight Moon (click the button below) and share YOUR song for this week!

CHOOSE MY BALLGOWN!

OK I have very little time to blog right now (what else is new?) but I really need some help choosing a ballgown for the Marine Corps Ball.  Time is running out, so comment below ASAP with your favorite (and tell me what you like or don't like about them!)

I've never worn a short dress to the ball before, but my budget is extremely limited and these were all I could find.  The last dress (#6, long one) does not actually fit me, but it was 'free' (borrowed) so it deserves some consideration, at least.

#1

 #2

#3

#4 

#5

#6

THANKS IN ADVANCE for all your help!  :)

***EDIT*** This is the gown I would be wearing if money was no object:

music linkup week 36: Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others

I can't believe another week has flown by, and I almost missed the chance to linkup with Amber over at Goodnight Moon with my song for this week!

My weight loss journey is still going VERY well, and I am Shrinking like crazy.  It's still very hard, but every day I get closer to actually BELIEVING that I will be thin, fit, and healthy - for the REST of my life!

This song from The Smiths used to make me laugh (back when I was thin) and then I used to get mad when I heard it after I got fat.  Now it's just another catchy Smiths song to me.

What did you think?  Catchy? Funny? Offensive?  Leave a comment, I really do wanna know!

And don't forget to go link up YOUR song for the week!  Just visit Amber by clicking the button below, and you can check out everyone else's jams for the week, too.

music linkup week 35: Bubbletoes

This week has been a pretty awesome one. My weight loss competition is going REALLY well (down 5 more pounds last week!) and somehow the dozens of balls I normally juggle are not falling to the ground.  That's not to say I have not DROPPED a few, but there is always someone there to catch it. 

I am so amazed when I look back at the past year of my life, and see how far I have come just in the past few weeks.  I was so incredibly ALONE, even when I wasn't, and now I am simply SURROUNDED with supportive people, everywhere I turn.  I have a LONG way to go, but I can actually really see SUCCESS in my future.  Success in my weight loss journey, success in my marriage, and success in my professional life.

In short, life is GOOD right now.  Hard, but well worth it!

So, for this week's song I chose something that matches my bubbly mood: Bubble Toes by Jack Johnson.  I love this entire album (used to play it as a naptime CD when I taught preschool) and lost my copy for almost five years; it just re-surfaced right about the time I starting this whole "WINNING" thing a few weeks ago. Coincidence?  I think not! 

If you enjoyed that, go check out the other songs linked up this week over on Amber's blog, Goodnight Moon.  While you're there, why not link up with a song YOU'RE feeling this week?

music linkup week 34: My Boyfriend's Back

I wish I had more time to blog about this, because it is kind of a big deal.  If you've followed this blog for awhile, you know that Jarhead and I have had MAJOR marriage problems since he returned from his most recent deployment - stemming primarily from his need to isolate himself from the rest of the world, even me.

I mostly missed the intimacy and connection that we shared *ahem* in private (wink, wink) but I missed all of it.  I missed having a PARTNER.  I felt so very alone, even if he was snoring away in the bed right next to me.  I told him a couple months ago that I wished he would treat me the way he did when we were dating - when he worked VERY hard to impress me.

Now, all of a sudden, I feel like my 'boyfriend' is back!  I don't know what triggered this change, but I do know that I LOOOOOOOVE it.  The last three weekends have been like we're teenagers in love. 

He is so much more attentive, affectionate, and well, HORNY now.  ha ha ha!  Things are not perfect, but have gotten SO MUCH BETTER all of a sudden.  We desperately need a real date night, with no kids and everything, but probably won't get one until the Marine Corps Birthday Ball next month. Which reminds me, PLEASE come back in the next day or two and help me choose a dress to wear! I'll be posting some of the dresses I like and asking you to VOTE for your favorite.

Have you linked up yet?  Its not too late! Click the button below to go see Amber over at Goodnight Moon and tell us all what song YOU'RE feeling this week. ;)

music linkup week 33: I'm Sexy And I Know It

Time for another linkup!  You thought I wasn't doing one this week since it wasn't up here 12 hours ago, right?  WRONG!  I have been waiting ALL WEEK to post this baby, but have been so busy literally working my butt off, that I have had almost NO computer time!  I did find time to write a quick blog post about my amazing disappearing ass over on my weight loss blog though.  In fact, said shrinking ass is the reason I am posting THIS SONG: "I'm Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO. 

Not something I would normally have heard, but they play it at the gym ALL.THE.TIME.

And I feel like I kinda live at the gym these days.

Have you linked up yet this week?  If not, click the link below to go see Amber and share YOUR groove for this week. (If you wanna leave me some comment love here first, that's OK - but THEN go link up, OK?)

music linkup week 32: "Push It"

Okay, some of you have probably laughed at a few of my song choices before this week, but now I am pretty sure ALL of you are gonna laugh at this week's song!  It's okay, I am laughing, too. 

Remember the last couple weeks I mentioned the weight loss competition I am in? Well this past week my mantra has been to just PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN.  *soooooo muuuuuuch paaaaiiiiiinnnnnnnn* but every moan, groan, and scream is totally worth it.

This week's song, "Push It" by Salt N Pepa, actually came out when I was like 12.  Yeah, I know, that was before many of you were even BORN.

Have you heard this one before? If not, I wanna know what you think of it! It doesn't meet my CURRENT standards as "music", but since it is closely tied to my youthful memories, I like it anyway.  Friday night when I go to my "Last Chance Workout" before my Saturday weigh-in, I know I will have to do some push-ups. And I will be singing this song in my head as I push through THAT pain.

Have you linked up yet?  If not, click on the button below to go see Amber (tell her Hi while you're there) and link up YOUR song for this week.

music linkup week 31: Everybody Hurts

I have REALLY neglected this blog lately, but for good reason: I am focused 24/7 on this weight loss competition, and so far I am doing GREAT!  I lost 6.8 pounds in week one, and now, halfway through week two, I am down 3 more pounds.  I have added a third workout every day, hoping this week's total will get me closer to the 4% or 5% needed to get me in the 'top 12' this Saturday. Working out like this after being SO overweight for SO long seriously hurts.  Like, worse than childbirth.  OK, maybe not THAT bad, but maybe like the recovery from childbirth?

BUT IT HURTS SO GOOD!

So, my song for Goodnight Moon's linkup this week is a tongue-in-cheek nod to the PAIN I am in...."Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M.

Please tell me that you HAVE heard of R.E.M.??? ha ha ha They just announced that they are calling it quits, but according to their website, they are happy with the musical career they had as R.E.M. and they are thankful to their fans for listening. *sigh* end of yet another era, I suppose.  Anyone else feeling old now?

If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you will understand that this song has also been my 'anthem' when I get depressed...."Just hold on...."

If you have not already linked up, go see Amber at Goodnight Moon and do it NOW! I wanna know what you're grooving to this week.....





Also, if you're interested in following me on my weight loss journey, that blog is HERE.

music linkup week 30: Everything Counts

I've been putting my song title into the blog title for this linkup, so I can easily scan my previous posts to avoid duplication, and I can NOT believe I have not done this song yet...in 30 weeks! 

Most of you know I have just embarked on a pretty amazing weight loss journey - I am in a local competition called "Valley's Biggest Loser" that just started last weekend and runs for 12 weeks.  In the competition my goal is to lose 60 lbs, and then I need to lose the other 65 or so on my own, before my birthday next May. 

I'm doing a lot of power walking so little Bobblehead can come with me in the stroller, and then I do a second workout while he's napping.  Once a week I also get a group workout with 39 of my fellow VBL contestants, with personal trainers pushing us the whole way.  OK, not PERSONAL trainers, since 40 of us share 3 trainers, but they're trainers. 

ANYWAY, Tuesday night was our first weekly group workout and it HURT LIKE HELL.  (Still does!) Somehow I managed to peel my aching body out of bed at 5:30 the next morning for my hour long power walk, and was groaning and dragging until the iPod clicked on this song:

(pardon the guys talking in the first few seconds of this video, but this is the ACTUAL version that I have on my iPod - from the album "Depeche Mode: 101" which is all live recordings, and this one is the actual performance AT THE ROSE BOWL in 1988.  I would have gone, being a so-cal girl, but I was 14 at the time of that concert.)

If you have EVER read my blog before, you know I am a huge fan of Depeche Mode, so they dominate my iPod.  When this song came on, I almost clicked past it, thinking most of DM's stuff is not really workout music.  Then I started to listen to the words, in context of what I am doing now, and I literally stood there laughing on the sidewalk in the pre-dawn haze for almost a full minute.  It's a good thing there aren't many people out at that hour, because I had to have looked completely crazy.  Anyway, that laughter gave me the energy to somehow complete my walk....a mile or so shorter than I usually walk, but still at a brisk pace, still enough to work up a great sweat. Half the walk, I didn't even have the iPod turned on, since I was humming to myself, "everything counts in large amounts" and thinking about the ENORMITY (pun intended) of what I am doing right now.

I am still in a ton of pain, but still found enough humor in this song AND in the final song of my walk today, also from DM: A Pain That I'm Used To.   HA HA HA!

What song are you feeling right now?  Go link up with the lovely Amber over at Goodnight Moon so we can groove with you!

music linkup week 29: FreeFallin

You know that scene in Jerry Maguire where he's feeling all victorious and wants to sing along with the radio, but the song SUCKS, so he changes the station, tries to sing along with another crappy song, then switches again until he finds one he can sing along with?

Well, today that was totally ME in the car, after some serious running around to gather up things for little Bobblehead's upcoming birthday party (yes, you read that right, my baby is turning ONE already!) I got SO MUCH done today, and felt like I could conquer the WORLD. I couldn't find anything to sing along to on the radio, so I switched it to CD and rocked out to a couple of my favorite songs....quietly, of course, because my baby/toddler was sleeping in his carseat at the time.

Here's the song that Jerry Maguire finally lands on in that scene, Free Fallin by Tom Petty

Have you linked up yet?  Go do it now, and check out the other lovely bloggers who are sharing their jams this week!  Don't forget to show a little comment love, especially here, of course.  ;)



Music linkup week 28:Panic

This week I took on a big project: redecorating the master bedroom/bathroom!  It was a surprise for hubby, who left Monday morning for 6 days....or so I thought. Monday afternoon he called to tell me he would be home Wednesday afternoon. If I had not already started the project, I would have postponed it for a few weeks.  Since I HAD already started, I decided to scramble and make the 6 day project a 3 day project. 

After the waves of panic settled, I mentally adjusted my schedule, and amazingly I got it DONE!  Hubby called me at 4:00 PM to tell me he was half an hour away.  I had just finished making the bed, so I hurried and vacuumed, put away some stray painting supplies, and jumped in the shower.  (I was SOOOOO sweaty and gross after running around like crazy).  Hubby walked in the door just minutes after I got out of the shower, and he LOVED his surprise!  Pictures to come soon, I promise.

In the meantime, please enjoy this classic Smiths song, "Panic"

If you've never heard of The Smiths, I think maybe you're an alien from Mars.  I absolutely LOVE this band!  A girl I went to school with, Janice Whaley, had a really cool goal in 2010: to record her version of EVERY Smiths song, by the end of the year.  Her arrangements are pretty phenomenal, especially considering that her only instrument is HER VOICE. Check out her version of Panic:

Pretty cool, huh?  She's actually become famous(ish) for this project, and sells the recorded project as a box set - to people ALL OVER THE WORLD.  I'm so excited for her to have found a way to make money doing what she loves.  And hey, now I know somebody who is FAMOUS! :) You can 'know' her too, if you follow her on twitter @JaniceWhaley. Hey, follow ME too, while you're at it @DeploymentAgain

Have you linked up with the lovely Amber at Goodnight Moon yet?  Go see her, say hi, rock out to some of the other songs linked up on there, and then ADD YOURS!  You know you wanna!

weathering life's storms

Ever since I said I was going to be more honest on here about what my life has been like dealing with hubby's PTSD "issues" I feel like I have had total writer's block.

It's just, I don't know where to begin!  There are these crazy emotional storms, if you will.  Sometimes I can't tell if the storms originate from HIM, or from ME, but either way I never know if they'll be gentle like a spring rain, or sudden but short like a summer thunderstorm, or downright deadly like Hurricane Irene.

Like, a few weeks ago in one of our more bizarre arguments, he actually accused me of stealing/hiding his logo t-shirts.  (regular t-shirts with a logo on them, mostly surf/skate types like O'Neil or Quicksilver, even though he has never surfed OR skated). He has always worn these t-shirts, and when he got home from this deployment he started buying new ones compulsively.  Shopping compulsions are not new for him, but have always been tied to some sort of emotional distress, so I should have seen that as a cry for help way back in Dec/Jan, at least. 

We have issues already with fitting our clothes into our drawers/closets, so by about March I got fed up and said something to him.  We were in Costco and he was looking at the shirts there, excited by the great price, I guess...and I snapped and said, "PLEASE don't buy any more t-shirts until you get rid of some of your old ones!" So he claimed he couldn't FIND any of his white logo t-shirts, and then made a point to complain about this again several more times over the following weeks, usually while buying more shirts. Of course I went home and checked his drawers to make sure I wasn't imagining the t-shirt surplus, and I started having HIM put his clean t-shirts away after I washed and folded them, so he would at least see what I meant about not having room for any more of them. 

I didn't mention it again until I saw him wearing YET ANOTHER new logo shirt, and I asked him if he finally got rid of some of the old shirts.  He completely LOST IT, yelling at me for stealing/hiding his clothes or something, because he can only find 2 white logo t-shirts.  This man has always been incredibly organized, to a point that they probably put HIS picture next to the phrase "anal retentive" in the dictionary....but the day he blew up about the shirts, he had t-shirts in four different drawers (all full, of course...I counted 17 clean white logo t-shirts, plus all the grey, blue, etc and that's not even counting the 7 or 8 that were cycling through the laundry at that point!) and he had only checked one drawer before he panicked that they were all "missing".  That by itself was a serious short-circuit in his usually precise brain, but the delusional stuff.....the idea that I would for some reason sabotage his efforts to freaking GET DRESSED - that only hints at our biggest problem: he thinks I am the enemy.  He is so convinced that I am somehow out to get him, it is no wonder he can't fully trust me, or open up to me, or CONNECT with me.  Why would he want to connect with the enemy?

I can't even begin to describe how painful that is, in and of itself....knowing that he sees me that way.  There are times that I can really tell he is trying, and that maybe he even understands that those views are, in fact, delusional.  But he still treats me as the enemy most of the time.

The craziest part of this is the calm between the storms.  We probably have one major blowup a week (sometimes a fight, sometimes just one-sided yelling) and then 3 to 5 small ones.  Considering his work has him gone for 4 days straight every week and home for a max of 3 days, that's a LOT of storms (especially since we don't even have make-up sex any more). But in between fights, it's almost like nothing is wrong - at least to anyone observing us.  I don't know if we just keep up appearances for the kids' sake, or if maybe we cling to those moments of normalcy, wondering when the next storm will hit and how severe it will be?

Right now another storm is brewing, and I can't tell if I should find a shelter somewhere, or stand there shaking my fist at it, daring it to do it's worst.  I do know that I am strong and prepared and capable, but am so afraid of the BIG STORM coming someday.....the one that no amount of preparedness/prayer/strength/luck can possibly stand up to.  The one that will end me, maybe end us both.

In the meantime, all I can do is try to enjoy this little bit of calm before the storm - these precious few moments that allow me to actually blog about it all.  At 2:30 in the freaking morning.

music linkup week 27: Never Tear Us Apart

This song has been in my head for three straight days. I was actually caught SINGING it out loud by the school this afternoon, when I thought no one was around (embarassing!)

If you've never heard of INXS, well first of all, what planet are you from?  And secondly, you have been MISSING OUT.

I know some of you have been worried about me, and checking in via FB, email, etc......THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CARING!  Sometimes I feel so alone, and then I log in and see that I am NOT alone.  Seriously, a little e-love goes a LONG way.  I'm actually doing okay, for now.  Really bummed about the current state of my 'relationship' with my hubby (or lack thereof).  You know how you can be so completely connected to someone, that you complete each other's sentences?  Like, you actually KNOW what the other person is thinking/feeling, all the time? Well Jarhead and I are the OPPOSITE of that right now.  I don't know when we've ever been more DISconnected from one another, and it is so frustrating because all I WANT is that connection again, you know? *sigh*

Anyway, I am moving forward as much as I can, trying hard every day to be patient and loving, no matter what. In less than three weeks I will be starting that weight loss competition that I wrote about recently, "Valley's Biggest Loser".  I can't WAIT!  I'm so psyched about it, I even started a new blog to document my weght loss journey!  You can check it out at ThinIt2WinIt.wordpress.com  It is still under construction, and should look a LOT better as soon as I finish learning about all the cool stuff that wordpress can do.

BTW I am liking wordpress so far, and am considering moving THIS BLOG from blogger to wordpress.  Anyone out there have any tips or hints for me before I start? I've already been told I will have to re-upload all of my pictures after I make the move. It's scary, taking the first step with a big change, isn't it?

I totally did NOT mean to go on for so long, I hope you at least clicked play already and got to rock out to some INXS while you muddled through my ramblings!

By the way, have you linked up with Amber at Goodnight Moon yet?  Make sure you do, and check out her newly redesigned blog while you're at it!

"Just Wait".....

This video has been making the FB rounds - I first saw it posted by Kristle from Forget The Dog Not The Baby, and was so moved I could only CRY at first.

So, grab some tissues before you hit play!

Now, most of you know that I've been looking for a 'way out' lately. 

Not suicide, but at least Divorce. 

I am struggling SO MUCH with those feelings of "I just can't do this any more" and I want so badly to just go back in time, about a year and a half. Back to when life was about HOPE, anticipation/excitement over the baby on the way.  Life was full of LIFE back then, you know? Back before 'whatever' happened to my husband overseas.  Perhaps the NOT KNOWING what really happened to him or what's really wrong now is the most frustrating part for me....I don't know. 

Anyway, I feel SO MUCH GUILT over wanting to leave him now.  I mean, if he had come back missing a leg or an arm, would I give up and walk out on him?  I certainly hope not!  So I feel like his "issues" (as he calls this.....I call it mental illness, but whatever. Tomato, tomahto, right?) are something that deserves a little extra patience from me, and of course a little benefit of the doubt.  I "SHOULD" wait faithfully for him no matter what, right? In sickness and in health..... So I suck it up, cry A LOT, and go into survival mode way more than I care to admit.

I've had a hard time even blogging about this, much less talking to anyone in person or on the phone, because of my GUILT over feeling things I think I shouldn't FEEL.  But the one thing that struck me most when I watched this awesome video was that I HAVE to talk about this.  About my situation, my feelings, all of it.  If nothing else, I might be able to comfort another person going through the same difficulties.  And maybe, just MAYBE, talking about it will help me deal with things better, too.

Some of what I go through is just beyond words (literally) so I can't talk about it, even with my counselor. Some of it will sound trivial to those who have not lived it, and some of it will sound like I am straight-up lying, it is that unbelievable.  Like the time hubby got pissed off at me and literally abandoned me & the baby at costco with no money and no car.  He eventually came back, of course, but that kind of crap is just NOT normal.  (or is it?)

Either way, I am making a real attempt to speak up more about this craziness, and I hope others who are suffering will do the same.

Also, make sure you visit Kristle's post about this for a list of resources for those needing help.  I wanted to duplicate it here but my blogging time is up for now. 

And please PLEASE pass this video on to someone!  Post it on your facebook, or e-mail it to someone who needs to know she's not alone.  This really needs to be shared.

Music linkup week 26: My Own Worst Enemy

This week's song is one that used to make me CRACK UP because it could so easily have been sung by hubby's friend John, who was the best man at our wedding.  John and I actually (kinda) grew up together, and we share the same birthday but a year apart, so we got along just fine when he married my childhood best friend.  I think I have posted this story before, but that marriage is what ultimately led to me & Jarhead getting together - right before our two best friends got a divorce.  *sigh* John spiralled from there, and just kept making things worse and worse on himself, and it seemed he had NO CLUE he was his own worst enemy in those days.  He did share a laugh WITH us once over how well this song fit him, so maybe he did see some of it?

Anyway, it is not quite so funny now that I can look back and apply this to my OWN life - I don't really like looking at all the times I've basically shot myself in the foot, but it is necessary to do so if I want to avoid the same mistakes in the future.  Overall, I do have more happy memories in my life than REGRETS, but the regrets are still there - over all the times I have been MY OWN WORST ENEMY...

But the video for this song still makes me laugh!  :)

Have you linked up with the lovely Amber over at Goodnight Moon?  If not, you're missing out on all the fun!  And be sure to come back next week, where we will do this all AGAIN. :)

Music linkup week 25: Playing with the boys/You've lost that lovin feelin

This week I have two songs, but they're BOTH from the movie "Top Gun".  The first song is an absolute MUST, after my Beach Day last week.  If you weren't there, you were seriously missing out, because there was a BEACH VOLLEYBALL TOURNAMENT.  On the BASE.  Yeah, that's right, really hot half-naked Marines getting all sweaty - RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. I wish I'd taken some pictures, but they wouldn't have come out great, as there would have been DROOL all over my camera HA HA HA!

But the whole time they were playing, I kept hearing Kenny Loggins' song "Playing With The Boys". Yes, I know in the movie they were Naval Aviators, not Marines, but whatever.  Hot sweaty men are still, well, HOT!

Now, before any of you go criticizing me, a married woman, for openly OGLING those (very hot) men, I was JUST LOOKING, OK?  And they probably would have completely gone unnoticed except that I've been feeling particularly neglected lately.....hubs is 'trying' really hard to really BE a husband and father, but I think he's got a lot of demons to slay in his own mind first. It could literally be YEARS before he is really ready to be the man I need him to be - the same man he was BEFORE the third deplyment.  In the meantime, I am lucky if I get any action more than like once a month.  :( 

Which of course brings me to another song from Top Gun - "You've Lost That Lovin Feelin" by The Righteous Brothers.  Such a great song, even if it DOES hit a little too close to home these days.

What's your song?  Have you linked it up yet?  If not, GO DO IT NOW.  We'll wait. (no we won't, HURRY! ha ha ha)

have you heard the secret?

I don't do this very often, but I want to introduce you all to one of my FAVORITE bloggers, Lori Volkman at Witty Little Secret.  I've only been subscribing to her posts for a couple of months now, but I literally laugh out loud, or cry, OR BOTH, every time I read her posts. 

Today's post was just so PERFECT, I simply had to share.  It really hit home with me, since I am still trying to draw my 'real' husband out from the shell of a man he came home as almost 8 months ago.  She starts out with this intro:

"This week I wrote Husband an effusive email expressing various events, emotions, challenges. I laid bare my concerns, seeking input and counsel. I reached out into the ethernet for some partnership, some companionship, and possibly some laughter.

Husband’s response announced: ”See responses below.” I scrolled down. At the end of each of my written paragraphs were his contrasting color comments. And by “comments” I actually mean single word phrases. The response to paragraph #1 was “yes,” paragraph #2 was “cool” and paragraph #3 was … wait for it … “Mind over matter.”

 

I stared. I had PTSD flash-backs of R&R. I flashed forward to homecoming. And I did what any girl would do. I issued an OPORD. I have a feeling this one is going to get me in trouble …"

Her OPORD is freaking HILARIOUS!  Go here to read the whole post.....I guarantee you will love it! 

music linkup week 24:Come Together

Time for the music linkup (ALREADY???)  This week has flown by.

Last week I posted about my hopes for my daughter to make an appearance at our big family reunion.  She did not make it, but apparently would have if the reunion had been one day longer.  She contacted my sister a few hours after we all LEFT Oceanside, wanting to meet up.  In the end, she went to my sister's house and visited there for over FOUR HOURS.  She had not seen my sister's 5 year old since that child was a baby, and had never met my sister's younger children (age 3 and age 1 now).  SO, it was a step in the right direction, right?

I have invited her to Bobblehead's birthday party next month - she still has not met her baby brother!  I don't expect her to be all buddy-buddy with me, but if she will just SHOW UP - will just begin to repair her relationship with some other family members, well then I won't feel so silly about getting my hopes up last week.

This week's song is not really ABOUT that, but the title works with it: Come Together, by The Beatles.  My daughter actually LOVED the Beatles when she was little, so I am dedicating this song to her this week.

Have you linked up yet?

Family Reunion (picture post)

Before I post pictures from my awesome week-long family reunion, I want to remind my stalkers followers that TOMORROW, Wednesday August 3, you can come meet me in person on Del Mar Beach aboard Camp Pendleton!  If you are anywhere near Pendleton, email me ASAP for more info - I really would love to see you all there!

Last week my parents and five of my siblings and I (and our respective spouses and children) descended on a timeshare complex in Oceanside, CA.  At the peak, we had 13 adults and 18 children - so we were missing a total of 5 adults and 7 children this year.  If everyone comes to our next reunion in 2013, we will have 18 adults and 27 children (since 2 more babies are on the way at the moment).  Pretty big family, huh?

I will have some better pictures to post SOON, since my friend came down with her camera and got some great group shots.  But for now, here are a few of the pictures I took:

17 cousins in Old Town San Diego

Beach Babies!  My little Bobblehead is on the right.

Bobblehead & Bonehead (don't mind the san goatee)

Knucklehead & Bonehead 'firing' a cannon in one of the museums

My neices & nephews digging HUGE holes in the sand :)

Knucklehead had such a fantastic time with his cousins ALL WEEK, especially at the beach.

Knucklehead tried on an od steel helmet like the ones the Conquistadors wore. 

Home, sweet home.....isn't it crazy that I can fit TWO longboards on top of my tiny litle car?

This historic lighthouse is next to the harbor - we could see it from our room, which was pretty cool.  Definitely made the blackout shades necessary though

(I never would have slept all week with that

rotating light flasing into my room over and over all night long.)

ha ha ha!  and I thought MY surfboard setup was crazy!

This guy has surfboards AND a bike, all with his little convertible.

Cute, huh?

The teenagers - Bonehead on the right, age 16.

Kaid in the middle is 17, and Tayla on the left is 18.

music linkup week 23: When You Believe

This is a pre-scheduled post, since I am away at my awesome week-long Family Reunion.  My parents and all my brothers and sisters do this every other year, and it is AWESOME!  We'll be missing a few people this year, but if everyone came it would be my parents, their 8 children and 8 children-in-law (all of us are married) and their 25 grandchildren!  That's 43 people, if you DON'T count the 2 'almost' babies...grandchild #26 is due in a few weeks, and #27 is due in a couple months.  Both of the preggo mama's are here this week, though.  I think our highest count all week will be 36 people, which is still A LOT.

Last week's post was about the ONE person of those 43 who I want to see most - my estranged daughter.  If she is here this week, it will be nothing short of a miracle. (real update coming soon with reunion photos....I'll also be tweeting about the reunion, so if you're curious, follow me on twitter @deploymentagain)

So, in honor of my (foolish?) hope for a miracle, my song this week is "When You Believe" from the soundtrack to The Prince of Egypt.  I never knew that Michelle Pfeiffer had such a beautiful voice!

Have you linked up yet?