Warning: this post will fall under the TMI category for some of you.
If you are offended, fuck off! Oh yeah, language advisory, too. FUCK.
Sorry, I am in a bitchy mood, can you tell?
I am pretty sure this mood was caused by deployment/reintegration, but let me break it down for you, so you can tell me what YOU think brought out my inner bitch.
See, I don't think it was the costco-trip-from-hell (though I hope I can someday come up with the words to describe that one - maybe in a future post?)
Nor do I think that my mood has anything to do with my mother in law, though she is doing her best to get on my last nerve.
It's definitely not caused pre-holiday stress, but maybe thats a small contributing factor?
I'm pretty darned sure this is a 'lack-of-sex' kind of cranky.
Yes, you read that right.
Hubby has been back from Funghanistan for a full week, and we've had sex three times - counting the two times that I initiated it.
Oh, and hubby was a lot less, well, EXCITED than usual. A lot less.
First night, I attacked him as soon as I knew Bobblehead was asleep for the night. This was after Hubby had been napping for like 6 hours, so the 'too tired' excuse just won't hold water here. It was fun, aside from the fact that I felt like he wasn't really that into it.
Second night I thought for sure he would be back on his game - but when he made no move to start anything with me, I took the initiative again. This time it took a little less, well, 'fluffing' to get him ready, but I still felt like he was not really enjoying himself.
By the third night, I let my hurt feelings take over and keep me from starting anything - and when hubby promptly began snoring, I did that stupid silent-cry thing...for a couple HOURS. Just lying there next to him, sobbing, resenting him for even being ABLE to sleep.
Fourth night he repeated his snore-fest, and I really wanted to wake him up, scream, yell, figure out what the hell was wrong with him. Or with me. But I could not bring myself to wake him (maybe part of me does not want to know?). Instead, I took a long bubble bath and stayed up reading/facebooking until I couldn't keep my eyes open, then crawled into bed beside Mr. Oblivious for a couple hours of fitful sleep.
Thankfully, the next morning he woke up horny, but then Bobblehead woke up and we rushed to the finish line....leaving me wondering if our 'fireworks' would ever come back. But in the post-quickie haze, as I nursed Bobblehead back to sleep, I did find the courage to tell hubby how I had perceived his lack of desire for me as all-out rejection, and he apologized and kissed me - promising me that he DOES still want me.
Really? Got a funny way of showing that. Fifth, sixth, and seventh nights all brought NO action. And now that I've made my feelings known, my poor bruised ego will not let me start anything with him.
So, either my post-baby body looks WAY worse than I thought it did, or....
FUCKING DEPLOYMENT STOLE MY HUBBY'S LIBIDO.
Either way, I'm screwed. And not in a good way.
I knew there was a chance things would not necessarily go smoothly our first time or two post-deployment/post-baby. I figured it could take, oh, I don't know TEN TIMES to get our mojo back? Sadly, at the rate we're going, it could be Valentine's Day by the time we reach ten times. And there's a pretty good chance I will hate him by then. Or hate myself.
So, what do you think? was this bitchy mood brought on by deployment/reintegration?
You know in the end I'm just a comment whore, so please, show me some love! Drop a line - even if it's to tell me I am way OUT of line with this post.