Wednesday, December 29, 2010

battling the beast

disclaimer: alcohol was consumed prior to writing this post. and when/if I sober up, this post just MIGHT be taken down. We'll see.

So, question of the night - which dragon is harder to slay: the teething baby, the DISAPPEARING HUBBY, or the demons within my tormented mind?

right now, I am gonna say the worst dragon is the disappearing hubby, but that one is only as huge as it is BECAUSE of my inner demons. HMMMMM difficult call.

See, I've been feeling pretty insecure lately, based mostly on what I recently posted about (hubby's lack of certain 'attention'). Add to that the fact that he pulled a similar diappearing act after the FIRST deployment....and where/how I found him left me feeling both HOMICIDAL and SUICIDAL at the same time, and well, yeah I am going freaking CRAZY right about now.

Pretty much, if I don't at least HEAR from him by morning, then he damned well better NOT show his face around here, unless he is wearing full body armor! Seriously, I am torn between FEARING he is dead in a ditch somewhere, and HOPING he is, because at least if that's the case, I won't have to kill him for raking me over these same coals AGAIN.

I just can't fucking do this ANY MORE.

2 comments:

Basinah said...

Huge hugs to you. I hope that in the light of day this is easier to take; and that he is safe, and appropriately appologetic for what he has done. He has to realize what this does to you. If he needs time alone, he has an abligation, a duty, to man up and tell you that, not to just dissapear.
When S came home he told me that he needed a few days "by himself", explained it to me in a way to make sure I didn't take it personally and wasn't hurt (much) by it. Had he just disappeared and had no contact, I too would have been devesatated.
My thoughts are with you.

Laura said...

:( I hope things get better for you (and I'm glad I was able to read this before you wake up and take it down haha)

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