Tuesday, December 7, 2010

the TMI post

Disclaimer/warning/heads up....if you read through this entire post, you may just learn WAY more than you ever wanted to know about me and my 'intimate' life.

OK so if you're still with me, you're a nosy perv like myself ;)

If you've read my blog before, you know that my hubby will be home SOON after being gone for over 7 months.  Sadly, he missed the mid-pregnancy hormone surge that boosted my already out-of-control libido, but on the flipside he also didn't have to be here for the torturous 6 week postpartum NO SEX waiting period.

So, am I excited about his return?


First of all, I attended a Passion Party early in this deployment, mostly to meet other Marine Wives.  It was hosted by a milspouse on the base closest to me (so it only took me like an hour and fifteen minutes to get there!) The consultant who ran the party is also a Marine Wife, currently going through a deployment - and she lives farther from the base than I do!  Anyway, she rocks, so if you're interested in buying any of the cool 'deployment survival tools' sold by Passion Parties, you can order from my friend Jamie HERE

So, at this Passion Party, not only did I meet some new friends, but I ordered a couple little things and decided I wanted to host a party of my own.  The main reason I wanted to host was this cool toy:

It's the "We-Vibe II" and is meant to be used TOGETHER.  Now, lets just say that hubby and I have never really needed ANY help in the bedroom (or kitchen, or living room, or wherever the mood might strike us).  We've been together for almost 14 years now, and seriously EVERY TIME is like fireworks, magic, and triple chocolate brownies, all rolled into one.  In fact, I still tease hubby because the first time we were 'intimate' I was literally BLOWN AWAY by how great he was, and I actually asked him where he learned to do all that great stuff....and his answer still makes me laugh: he used to read his sister's Cosmopolitan magazines when he was bored! Ha ha ha!

Anyway, even though our love life is more than satisfying (when he's HOME) this toy intrigues me, mostly for its PRICE. $130 big ones.   I mean, you get what you pay for, right?  I've never really enjoyed playing by myself with toys, but I think that's probably because I'm a total cheapskate, so the toys I've bought in the past were all pretty cheap....

....Until I bought this massager - the Hitachi Magic Wand - during our first deployment about five years ago:

Did you even know that you can buy all kinds of Adult toys on Amazon.com?  Check it out, look under 'health and personal care'.  Just sayin.

This baby is so powerful, it PLUGS INTO THE WALL.  None of that battery nonsense for me!  It was about $65, and I think I paid like $25 extra for the optional attachments, which turned out to be totally unnecessary. I have plenty of *ahem* relaxation with just external stimulation.  I think Passion Parties now sells a version of this for around the same price, and the PP one is more ergonomically designed, etc but back then, this was the best I could do.  And I still love it.

So, I hosted my Passion Party, had a blast even though (typical) more than half of my 'confirmed' guests did not show up.  I even got some outside orders from people who I only know through FB or this blog!  Cool, huh?  And yes, I earned my We-Vibe II.  So, now I am debating whether or not to try it out by myself, before hubby comes home?  I have it all charged up and cleaned, ready to go, but I almost feel like I should save that first time for him.  What do you think?

Oh, and as long as we are already this deep into the Too Much Information zone, I am kinda worried that the first time after he comes home could hurt a little....I mean, I had some tearing with the birth of Bobblehead less than 12 weeks ago, and had stitches down there.  As far as I can tell, everything has healed, but seriously, what if its still tender?  Or what if they stitched it back together wrong?  My sister had that happen and it was horribly painful, she had to go back when the baby was a few months old and have them CUT the skin and re-stitch it properly. *shudder*

Oh, and I think I need some serious yardwork done down there, too.  Weed whacker probably won't be enough...I am gonna need the full-blown john deere riding lawnmower!

Dang, and that's just my lady parts - what about shaving this FOREST off of my legs??? I know I shaved my legs before Bobblehead was born, only because I knew my sister-in-law and my Doula were probably going to have to help hold my legs back while I pushed.  But I am pretty sure I have not shaved them since!  I mean, it's pants weather, you know?  And with hubby gone, its not like anyone else is gonna know whether or not my legs could be mistaken for Muppet legs. 

But soon, I mean SOON, hubby will be here, and he darned well, BETTER notice my legs!  I fully expect to have his hands all over them, A LOT.  And not just my legs, either.  *WINK*

So, let the gardening commence!  And seriously, I do want to know what you think about whether I should give this We-Vibe a test run before he gets home - comment here, or send me a private email!

That's all for now, you stay classy San Diego.


Heather Lynn said...

This was the best way to start my morning. For sure. :) First I'm reminded of a quote in a book where the character said "I may be a pervert, but I'm no voyeur!!" So I think we're in the clear... ;)

Secondly, I'd probably wait. You probably wouldn't have as much phone with it alone (cause you'd be thinking about how it'd work together) and then you might not want to try it when he comes home. And I agree, you get what you pay for so it should rock.

And as far as the forest goes? I have one here. On my legs. In Hawaii. Where I wear shorts. hahahahahahaha :) Good luck!!

Anonymous said...

LOL, loved this post. I am also on final approach to homecoming, and even without the baby and all that, I am wondering if, ya know, things got out of practice after so long ...

And I have a full wax booked for 2 days before scheduled arrival, since I haven't done any "gardening" since leave. Heck, I am in Canada, this time of year I barely see my legs!

And I agree with Heather. Wait, and share it. It is designed to be shared - you still might end up with more giggles than anything else (not that I *cough* have any experience *cough* with one *ahem*) but giggles are stil better when shared with your loved one.

Happy Reunions!!!

Post a Comment!

Thanks for dropping in!

Template c/o Designs Etc.