After yesterday's blowup with my 15 year old "Bonehead" I emailed my hubby to let him know what had happened. I didn't give him the whole play-by-play, considering there is really nothing he can do from there (and knowing that the last thing he really needs right now is more STRESS!). But I had to at least keep him informed.
Anyway, I had not heard from him in a couple of days, so I was relieved to get a 4 AM phone call from him. He called me from his cell phone, instead of using a pre-paid card at the phone bank on the base, so he started the conversation with, "I have to keep this short, because the cell minutes are really expensive". An hour later, he apparently realized the time, spit out an expletive, and said a quick goodbye. By now I was wide awake, and clicked the calculator app on my iPad (which was in bed with me so I could check email before I drifted off to sleep around 1 AM, in case hubby had a chance to respond to the message I had sent him).
I knew the cell minutes were $2.29 each, and our conversation showed on my cell phone as being almost exactly 60 minutes....
grand total for one phone call: $137.40
As I was adding that up, my phone rang again, and this time the caller ID had a weird combination of numbers - not quite a whole phone number - so I knew it was hubby calling back, and this time not from the expensive cell phone. I debated telling him what I had just calculated, and then had to chuckle when he told ME. Too funny that we basically both hung up the phone and did the exact same thing! (except he probably did the math in his head)
We ended up talking for 2 more hours, which is even crazier than the price tag for that first hour. We have not spent 3 hours on the phone in at least ten years! Early on in our relationship, he had a job that was incredibly boring for him, and we would spend hours on the phone together. We lived about 85 miles apart and would talk on the phone to compensate for time we could not actually spend together - we used to do the crossword together from the newspaper, or tell jokes, or just talk about nothing. Of course, this morning's phone marathon was nothing like that - we were both so upset about the situation with Bonehead, and trying to come up with some option other than my parents spoiling him rotten (rewarding his ridiculous behavior). We found none, unfortunately, but it felt so good to hang up the phone feeling less alone.
I think my biggest frustration last night was that alone feeling. I know that no one besides my husband really understands what we have gone through for Bonehead over the years - from the psychiatric hospitalizations, to the endless IEP meetings, to fighting with County Mental Health over the bill for his 5150 assessment when he was throwing desks at school a couple years ago (Assistant Principal called the police and had him taken away in a patrol car to a psych. hospital....the deputies who transported him told me clearly that he was not a danger to himself or to others by the time they showed up at the school, but they still had to follow the procedure and get a 'professional' to assess that risk).
I honestly appreciate all the advice from everyone - friends, family, the deputies who responded to my 911 call yesterday. But none of them really know Bonehead, and none of them really know ME. My little sister even called me from New York last night, trying to help - trying to make me feel better - but all that accomplished at the time was to highlight how very alone I felt.
So it was an incredible comfort to me this morning to hear from the one person who really DOES know both Bonehead and me, well enough to actually provide some very real perspective. Like hot-cocoa on a rainy day comfort. Like hubby comfort. A-MA-ZING.
Even though I lost 3 hours of sleep.
And even though it cost three times as much as the new maternity bathing suit that I have been trying to work into my budget.
At least I know that I am not really ALONE.