I am pretty sure I am having some sort of nervous breakdown.
My kids all hate me. Well, not the baby. Not yet, anyway. I could probably cope with the kids hating me, if I at least knew where things stand with Hubby. But I don't. So I can't.
This past weekend I finally could not contain the crazy any more. I freaking LOST it.
I screamed, cried, and went into what could only be described as a manic episode. The result was a REALLY clean house (but please don't ask me to find anything specific, because I may or may not have put away things that don't necessarily have an assigned 'home').
Oh yeah, and I think I scared the crap out of my hubby.
I still don't think he really gets just how much I am hurting, or how much HE could be helping me here, but I do think he at least gets how CRAZY I am right now.
I don't know if this will bring about change for the better, or change for the worse, or maybe it won't change ANYTHING. But I wasn't trying to change anything - I was only reacting.
I was trying to express the fear, anger, despair, and loneliness that has defined the past several weeks of my life.
Not my finest moment, to be sure.