Mommy meltdown.

I am pretty sure I am having some sort of nervous breakdown.

My kids all hate me.  Well, not the baby.  Not yet, anyway.  I could probably cope with the kids hating me, if I at least knew where things stand with Hubby.  But I don't.  So I can't.

This past weekend I finally could not contain the crazy any more.  I freaking LOST it.

I screamed, cried, and went into what could only be described as a manic episode.  The result was a REALLY clean house (but please don't ask me to find anything specific, because I may or may not have put away things that don't necessarily have an assigned 'home').

Oh yeah, and I think I scared the crap out of my hubby.

I still don't think he really gets just how much I am hurting, or how much HE could be helping me here, but I do think he at least gets how CRAZY I am right now. 

I don't know if this will bring about change for the better, or change for the worse, or maybe it won't change ANYTHING.  But I wasn't trying to change anything - I was only reacting. 

I was trying to express the fear, anger, despair, and loneliness that has defined the past several weeks of my life.

Not my finest moment, to be sure.