Thursday, April 1, 2010

hello, goodbye, hello again?

I think I am just too hormonal right now - I can't really be happy no matter what!

Last night hubby came home a day earlier than planned (again). Happy moment, right? Not so much. I was so excited to see him, but he just walked in as though he had only been gone for a couple of hours (!) Not even a kiss or a hug or anything. I sat with him to eat dinner, and could not even engage him in conversation (of course he prefers to watch TV, so I just shrugged that off).

But by the time we went to bed and he was snoring before I could even get undressed, I was thinking, 'what the hell did I DO to make him mad?'... I mean, I understand being tired, but after being away for 3 days, I just kinda thought we would, you know, WINK WINK. At least a quickie, right?

I cried myself to sleep. I'm pretty sure he heard me at one point, even though I was trying to keep it silent (as usual). I heard him stop snoring for a few minutes, but he didn't try to comfort me, or ask what was wrong, or anything.

This morning he had to leave again, and for a few minutes I thought he was even going to LEAVE without saying goodbye to me - but he turned around and hugged me (FINALLY) and gave me a kiss goodbye, even thanked me for breakfast. So I bit my tongue and did not ask him about last night. I just can't believe that he is willing to WASTE a night together, knowing we don't get many more of those before he deploys.

Am I crazy to be thinking this way? Or just hormonal? Or am I right to want to seize every precious moment with him while I can? I really want to give him the space he needs to unwind when he comes home, but just don't know if I can handle being outright IGNORED. Especially RIGHT NOW.


joeandbridge said...

Hi there! Stopping in to be your newest follower from Friday Follow! Hope you can swing by mine!
Happy Easter!

Bridgette Groschen
The Groschen Goblins

Marice said...

following u from FF! Feel free to visit me here:
Life Can't Wait and Up Now and What's Next

Birdie said...

That would infuriate me too. Maybe he's too tired to get frisky, but after three days I would expect some communication more intimate that "thanks for breakfast". That's not your hormones, that's a problem with hm,.

Anonymous said...

I am sure you are familiar with the pre-deployment cycle and separation anxiety. My completely un-educated guess (since this is my first visit here!) is that your pregnancy is making this upcoming separation harder on him as well, and in typical macho-male fashion, he is using "anticipatory separation" to make it easier on himself.
Or, as Happy Bunny would say: Boys are dumb.

Gaile said...

Thanks Birdie and Basinah, I knew it was not just ME being hormonal!
Basinah, I think you hit the nail on the head, this is how he protects himself when he is getting ready to leave. We talked about it last night but I don't think he really got anything out of the conversation other than knowing that he has HURT me (again). He is home now for Easter weekend, and for now, every time I feel him pulling away from me or shutting me out, I just have to remind him how little time we have left before he has to leave.....I was not kidding when I told him that I am NOT willing to waste a single moment! They keep changing his departure date but I know it will be way too soon.
And yes, Happy Bunny, boys are DUMB. That's why we love them so much, right?

tsue said...

My heart goes out to the both of you. Is there some support group or service available that specializes in assisting couples in your unique circumstances? While each person is different and will handle situations differently, with so many deployed, I would certainly hope so.

So hard, but keep looking at the big picture of your life.

Following from Friday Follow. Stop by when you can.

Amy said...

My husband is the opposite of that and gets mad if I don't want to spend every second with him! It's just some people's way of dealing with it. I kind of need my space to wrap my mind around all of my thoughts and feelings. Maybe he is the same way.

Oh and I'm not sure how I came across your blog - but I've followed you :-0

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