getting 'ready'

I can already tell that the next couple of weeks are going to FLY by, and and I am just so NOT READY for my hubby to leave!

Can we ever really be 'ready'?

How do you prepare for the loneliness and anxiety that embody deployment?  The insomnia, the lack of motivation to really DO or BE anything.... how do you get 'ready' for that?   Oh, and then there is the constant fear that 'something' will happen to him...we never specifically say WHAT 'something' means, but we know when we say 'something' we are referring to the very end of our world, heralded by a uniformed officer knocking at the door.....that is definitely something I will never be 'ready' for, no matter how many times my subconscious hits me over the head with it in the form of a terrifying nightmare.

I'm not ready to be both mom AND dad.....

I'm not ready to deal with the behavior problems that my kids are sure to throw at me as soon as daddy is gone....

I'm not ready to have this baby all by myself.....

I'm not ready to take over the yardwork and trash duties (when the kids slack off, which is inevitable)....

I'm not ready to face every day alone - and don't even get me started about the nights!  I am definitely not ready to give up sex for the forseeable future!  Yikes.

And yet, somehow I know that I have to be ready, and somehow I will be.  Or at least I will put on a brave face and let him THINK that I am ready to say goodbye when the time comes - because if he knows I am not, it will just give him one more thing to worry about....which is the LAST thing he needs as he heads off into combat.

So maybe I can just say that I am getting ready to PRETEND to be ready, for everyone's sake?