So Hubby came home EARLY (Friday night instead of Saturday afternoon) which thrilled me more than I can say. I got to make him a nice breakfast in bed yesterday, and then we enjoyed our youngest son's basketball game and ran errands - we even finally went out to Outback so we could take advantage of their free bloomin' onion deal for military.
But by Saturday night, anxiety was setting in for him, and his way of handling anxiety is to shut me out, which makes me very depressed, and usually leads to a fight. But last night, I was NOT having any of that! I flat-out told him that our time together is precious, and I am not willing to waste a moment of it on some stupid ugly fight we will forget about in a week, month, or year.
I mean, really, over the next few weeks, we will have 10, maybe 15 nights together, if that, and then he will be gone for about 8 months. It would be an absolute tragedy to spend even ONE of those nights doing anything but holding each other, talking, making love, or just BEING together. Fighting does NOT count as being together.
I know that in a few months, I will be kicking myself if I know that I failed to grab hold of even one opportunity to see, smell, touch him - to look him in the eye and tell him that I love him.
So I convinced him to put aside his anxiety and BE with me while we can, and then this morning I woke up to make breakfast and felt pretty 'icky'....stomach stuff complicated by morningsickness. I still fed everyone, but then had to go back to bed (and run to the bathroom several times). Now several hours later, I am feeling better but hubby's anxiety is back, and is now turning to all-out depression. He did a bunch of yardwork while I was in bed recuperating, and now he is freaking out about how the yard will look when he gets back from this deployment. He wanted to go to the gym (a great way to work some of that anxiety out) but now is so lethargic he can't make himself do ANYTHING. And of course he is shutting me out again. Wish I knew how to help him, but I can't get him to talk about his feelings.
Now I wonder if its better/healthier to complete our normal cycle of depression-anxiety-ugly fight-makeup, just so he can get it out of his system?