Wednesday, June 22, 2011

music linkup week 18 :Everybody Hurts

The last couple of days here have absolutely SUCKED, so I'm in a funk. Yesterday was about as crappy as it gets (or so I thought!).....My day started with my toilet seat breaking while I was sitting on it.  Yay.  Go fat girls!  When I came downstairs I found the the last of our three new goldfish had died overnight - we have no idea why.  Then I took Bobblehead to his 9 month well-baby checkup, and the doctor has a couple of concerns - first his weight is way below what it should be. The doctor literally told me to start adding BUTTER to his food.  Seriously.  And then he told me he wants x-rays of the baby's hips, he suspects possible hip displaysia.  We already ruled that out when Bobblehead was a month old, using ultrasound, but the doc says there is another kind of hip displaysia that is developmental - meaning it shows up a little later, and he just doesn't like the way the baby's joints feel.  The left hip in particular feels "loose" to him.  GREAT.  If he does have this condition, he'll have to wear a brace for like 6 months or a year. SAD FACE.

On my way home from that appointment, Bonehead called me from the house to tell me he had finally gotten the call we were waiting for, from Sunburst Youth Academy.  Only it wasn't quite the call we were waiting for - see, we wanted them to call with an ACCEPTANCE, not a rejection.  For the second time, Bonehead was NOT accepted into the NG Youth Challenge Academy.  WTF?!?!  I am literally distraught over this, because our 'truce' has been fragile at best lately, and was based solely on the idea that we only have to last a few more weeks til he goes to the academy.  I fully expected to be dropping him off at Los Alamitos Joint Forces Training Base on July 11, and not see him again until his home-pass weekend in September. Then he would go back to the base until the second home pass at Thanksgiving, and graduate in December - and theoretically come back showing at least a little respect.  This kid literally yelled at me for 20 minutes the other day, calling me a "FUCKING CUNT" (sorry, editing that bit really makes it seem less awful, so you get the unedited version).  There's not a whole lot left that *I* can do to bring about his much-needed Attitude Adjustment, and I was counting on Sunburst to do that.  Now I have to go through another 519 days until this kid turns 18, and PRAY that I don't kill him, or myself.  Or that he doesn't kill me, or himself.

Which brings me to today's extra special version of hell:

A social worker showed up at my door today, asking to interview both Bonehead and me.  When she found out that Knucklehead lives here too, she insisted on interviewing him, too.  It turns out that SOMEONE (I have a few ideas about who) called child protective services because they think we're being too harsh on Bonehead.  Seriously?????? I mean, I have felt like my hands are really tied in terms of discipline already, especially because I am now physically AFRAID of my own son.  He stands 6' 2" and I am only 5' 6", for starters.  And his violent outbursts are incredibly frightening.  Thankfully they've mostly been VERBAL lately, not physical, but seriously, I was standing in the kids' playroom while this woman interviewed my kids one by one in my living room (I was not allowed to be there for their interviews) and thinking of the irony, that this social worker is here to protect Bonehead from ME....when *I* am the one who needs protection from HIM!

In the end, she saw what was really going on here, and gave Bonehead a stern warning that he can NOT treat his mother (or anyone else) the way he has been, or she will have him removed from the home for the safety of the rest of the family.  I don't think he took her threat very seriously, but at least there was some shock on his face at the maybe, just MAYBE, he actually is starting to appreciate a little bit of what he has here?


So, the allegations will be officially listed as 'unfounded' in the final report, but she has to interview my husband over the phone before she can close the case.  (He is out of town for work this week) When I called him and told him this, he FLIPPED OUT, yelled at me for half an hour, then told me that if HE is going to take any crap for this (like if it will effect his job, etc) then he's just not coming home. Like, EVER.

Thanks so much, Babe, for being there by my side when I need you most. NOT.

So, I'm having a little pity party for myself right now (with WINE, of course) and what better pity party song is there than R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts"?

In the end the song actually has a message of hope, but it's just a good self-pity crying song for me. 
Like, giving myself permission to cry instead of being strong, because EVERYBODY hurts. 
Even SuperMoms. 
Even not-so-SuperMoms.

If you have not already linked up, go visit Amber at Goodnight Moon and link up!  I promise, most of the songs won't be this depressing, and they will ALL rock - they always do!


Mrs. H said...

Two words:
ice cream.

You poor thing :( That's what you need!!!

Anonymous said...

I wish I had some kind of profound thing to say to make this better for you but all I can say is "ugh this sucks" I can't imagine what you are going through and my prayers are with you.
Good song btw!

Anonymous said...

It's posts like this that make me re-consider wanting kids, because I think I woul have killed him. BIG HUGS to you right now as you deal withall this... alone none the less!

Mrs. S said...

I'm so sorry. I am just so so sorry. I hope you have a better week next week.

Nicole Marie said...

Wow... If you want, I will come beat the living crap out of your son. Unbelievable. You are strong! Because if I had a son that yelled at me like that I would be in jail by now. My thoughts are with you, dear. Keep that head up!

And about your baby, I am so sorry to hear that. I hope everything turns out alright.

Jen said...


I'm sorry for the week...but i know you will soon have better days :)

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