Thursday, June 17, 2010

I have a dirty mind....

This is not exactly breaking news to anyone who has known me for any length of time.  I'm the girl who makes a dirty joke out of something innocent, and who laughs heartily if someone else shares something off-color. 

Deployment seems to bring out the best worst of this in me, probably because I don't have to worry about embarrassing my sweet prudish shy hubby, since he is half a world away.

For instance, this week I put together a 'deployment survival package' for another Marine wife who just celebrated her birthday without her man......I included basics like that great kleenex with the lotion in it, and of course Costco-sized bottles of tequila and margarita mix, but the best part (and she also got a kick out of this) was the HUGE package of batteries I gave her.  Yes, batteries. 

You know, for B.O.B.?  

What, still don't get it?  That stands for Battery Operated Boyfriend.  As in, your hubby can rest easy, knowing you would never cheat on him, because even if you get really desperate, you have a safe 'option'.  I highly recommend it, actually.  If you don't have one, GET ONE.  Or two.  Seriously.  Try under 'health and personal care'.....


Anyway, I decided to try something new to stay 'intimately' connected with hubby for this deployment....for the first time ever, I wrote him a very detailed, very x-rated fantasy, starring him and me.  I printed it out and sent it sealed in an envelope in one of his care packages.  Then I waited.

And waited.

I asked him via phone and email a few times  hundred times whether or not he had received my package with the surprise inside.  When he finally got the package, I was DYING to know what he thought of my little 3 page long fantasy.  His response, via email: "I got that package, thanks for the letter, hope you are well."

Really?  That's it?

So then I wondered obsessed about this....did he love it? hate it? Was he aroused? disgusted?  I really needed to know, either way.

I asked him about it in at least three different emails.  Of course, if I send an email with three questions, I will only get an answer to one of those questions, on average.  And I don't want to barrage him with 10 emails a day, so I try to condense them somewhat, as long as I can keep them from becoming novels.  So in truth, he might not have even noticed my question the first couple of times.

Meanwhile I was still sitting here, wondering obsessing about this.  Finally I wrote the same question down in a real snail-mail letter, which he just received yesterday, and this is his actual email reply:

"Sorry about the letter. It was impressive, but I'm trying not to think about that stuff so I can sleep. I don't get a lot. I appreciate the effort though."

This is not all that surprising, but am I wrong to feel a little bummed that he doesn't share my perverted tendencies? The last thing I want is to cause him to lose any sleep, of course.  On my end, I've found that if I stop thinking about 'that stuff', something else will inevitably keep me awake anyway.  Insomnia is just another fun part of deployment, right?  So I indulge in those thoughts, OFTEN. 

Now I know you're all DYING to throw in your two cents on this subject, and I honestly look forward to the comments - so hit me with your best shot!


Mrs. Doc Handsome said...

I am still laughing. Great post. I think having a BOB, if that's what a girl is into, is a wonderful thing. Why not?!?! Do what you can to keep sane and away from temptation. I also think I would be a bit bummed if that's all my hubby said to an xrated letter like that. But I don't know where he is or how dangerous it is either. Maybe he's just really overwhelmed and perhaps it drove him SO NUTS that he wanted to ACT (know what I mean?) on those feelings but just couldn't because he's surrounded by other men in the middle of nowhere maybe?

Either way, when he gets home and this darn deployment is over, he will look back at that letter and be thoroughly impressed and grateful that he has a wife who would do that. Cause ya know, there's a lot of woman who don't do those things for their men. Be proud =]

L.C. said...

I would have been disappointed as well....but I understand what he means sorta....I'm sorry but at least you have a BOB!

Jen said...


hehe, this post made me chuckle. I can see both sides, and you are A LOT braver then I am cause I don't know that I'd ever get any fantasy written down :)

But I understand your hubby too. Mine doesn't like to talk about that stuff when he is underway either because of that same reason, if he starts thinking about it then he can't STOP thinking about it and that makes life more difficult. So we don't even mention that stuff on the phone when we talk...well, rarely :)

But he does appreciate it...and he'll appreciate it even more when you can be together again. So's okay to be bummed a little, but he still loves u. He just need to compartmentalize to do his job. Ah to be a man :)

Jen @

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