Alpha to Zulu

Have you linked up yet?  This week I am pretty much ALL about linkups, and this one took more time than I had imagined it might. Head on over to Riding the Roller Coaster for more info and to add your own list to the linkup!  Oh, and be sure to check out the other fabulous blogs already linked there. (other linkups to check out: Goodnight Moon's music linkup every Thursday, and my new Viral Video linkup every Sunday/Monday)

You may notice that my list includes a lot of words with negative connotations....if you are new to my blog, you may want to read back over the past, say, three or four months worth of posts and you will see why.  I do love my husband dearly, and I am so proud of him, and proud to be his wife - but PTSD is trying to destroy what's left of our marriage, and while I am fighting just to keep my head above water, it can be tough to be 'positive'.  Add to the mix my own current Post-Partum Depression, and, well, not a whole lot of laughs in this post.  But here it is anyway, enjoy!

Military Life from Alpha to Zulu

ALPHA

Active Duty, Arguments, Afghanistan, Anxiety, ADJUSTING

BRAVO

Bravery, Budget, BLOGGING

CHARLIE

Cammies, Cover, Changes, Cell phone, CRYING

DELTA

Deployment, "Donut of Misery", Drill Weekends, DREAMING

ECHO

Emotions, E-MAIL

FOXTROT

Friends, flexible, FRG, fears, FIGHTING

GOLF

Gear, Girls' Night, GOODBYES

HOTEL

Head, Homecomings, HOPES

INDIA

Independence, Invincible, Iraq, INSOMNIA

JULIET

Jumpy, JERK (sometimes)

KILO

KISSES (goodbye and hello!)

LIMA

Love, Laughter, Loneliness, LIVING

MIKE

Moto-mail, Marines, MARRIAGE

NOVEMBER

Notes, NCO's, Nightmares

OSCAR

OPSEC, Orders, OIF, OEF

PAPA

PTSD, Planning, Phoenetic Alphabet, Phone calls, Prayer

QUEBEC

"Quick-fast-and-in-a-hurry!" (Major Payne)

ROMEO

Reintegration/Redeployment, Reality, RISK

SIERRA

Single parenting, Surprises, "Soon", Sweat, SADNESS

TANGO

Transitioning, Trust, TEARS

UNIFORM

Uniforms, Unstable, "Us", UNSTOPPABLE

VICTOR

V.A., Venting, Vibrator? (ha ha ha)

WHISKEY

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, WINE (and sometimes WHINE)

X-RAY

XO

YANKEE

Yellow ribbons, YEARS

ZULU

Zip-ties, ZOLOFT

coach (not the purses)

It occurs to me that my blog followers must think I am some kind of angry bitch these days, because lately every blog post is just me griping and complaining. I think this is because I use this blog as an outlet when life just sucks.

I have no desire to censor myself here, so you will always get my honest feelings. BUT, I am going to make an effort to blog when I'm in a GOOD mood, too.  I mean, good things happen in my life, too. (just not as much good these days as I'd like, of course.)

So, one cool thing going on right now is Knucklehead's basketball season.  He's in fifth grade this year, playing in a league with fifth and sixth graders....but the week he would have started practice, the parent who had signed up to coach the team had to step down due to work commitments.  Knucklehead's team was coach-less.  My first instinct was to step up and volunteer to coach this team, but there is one small thing taking up all my time these days: Bobblehead.  He's five months old and just beginning to get mobile, so there is just NO WAY that I can coach this basketball team

(or so I thought)

My awesome friend Regina, another Marine Wife, stepped up and offered to coach if someone would help her - so, yeah, my hand shot up!  We're co-coaching the Division III Thunder, and so far LOVING it!  Last night we played our first game, and WE WON!!!!! Awesome game, too: 35-33 final score after DOUBLE OVERTIME.  The coach for the other team is a seasoned coach, we've faced him in four previous seasons (back when I was 'just a mom' and not a coach ha ha ha) and he actually COMPLIMENTED Regina and me last night on our coaching!

Now, to clarify one thing: I have NO IDEA what I am doing with the whole coaching thing, and honestly Regina is winging it, too.  But at least she played ball all the way through high school and a year in college.  I have not actually played since JUNIOR HIGH. More than 20 years ago.  Yes, I am old.

My dad has coached high school basketball off and on for the past 30 years, and he sat in on a practice the other night, as well as last night's game, to give me some pointers.  Gotta say, Dad really knows his stuff! I am super excited for the next practice, but even MORE excited for the next game.

I can't believe I am a COACH!!!!!

Wow.

Enchilada Bake

I finally got around to

posting my recipe for

Enchilada Bake,

it's over on The Wifey Blogs.

You can find it HERE

While you're there,

have a look around,

and say hello to the

other Wifey contributors!

yet another picture post

I was checking my blog stats the other day - and in addition to some cool stuff like 67% of you are viewing this blog using Explorer, and 17% view it through firefox, etc etc etc, I noticed that the posts that get the most hits are my picture posts.

So, in a roundabout way, you've told me what you want - and I am giving it to you! 

I might make this a regular monthly or weekly thing, but for now, it will happen whenever I clean up my camera.  Or whenever I can't think of anything to write about.  Or both.

So, here is a sampling of the pictures I have taken in the past couple of weeks:

My neice Gracie hiding under the table in her playroom

Bobblehead sleeping in his second favorite spot - on Daddy!

(his first choice of course, would be hooked onto my breast)

The 'perfect brownie pan'...first use

They really are PERFECT!  Crazy. 

My boys say the brownies are a little small.

Bobblehead with his cousin

(Bobblehead is on the right)

Loving this Pooh Bear!

Had a bottle of breastmilk left from the babysitter's

and gave it to him to play with in the highchair

while I made dinner - smart baby managed

to drink most of the milk by himself!

Mommy's little 'gadget guy'....watching Baby Einstein clips via YouTube on my iPad

We had Bobblehead baptized a couple weeks ago,

and he wore the same outfit his daddy wore many (MANY) years ago!

And yes, I do know that I could have used a little makeup that day.

Tell that to Bobblehead, he makes the schedule around here!

Cousins hanging out again :)

Finally enjoying 'tummy time'!  YAY!

Wrestling with Curious George

Looks like George won.

Our new bedroom furniture. 

This is the picture on the box,

not a picture of my actual room - but you get the idea, right?

Epiphany.

I wanted to write about this last week when it happened, but better late than never, right?

I had an epiphany, or 'lightbulb moment'.

I was sitting in my favorite chair, nursing the baby, when it dawned on me:

HUBBY IS JEALOUS of Bobblehead. 

OK, he's not directly jealous of the baby, but these days hubby definitely does not get as much of the mommy-ing type of attention I have always given him.  It's only natural for Bobblehead to get first priority for my attention right now, and only natural for Hubby to feel a little neglected.

I don't know for sure if this has anything to do with his loss of libido, but I can say for sure that things are going better ever since I started putting more effort into TAKING CARE of my husband last week.

I wish I had figured this out sooner!

Of course, it could just be a coincidence - maybe hubby was just at that point last week that he was ready to start being a 'couple' again, and it just so happened to be at the point when I started putting more effort into the domestic side of things. 

His miraculous recovery (it's not complete yet but looking good so far!) could also have something to do with the fact that I went back to work last week. My job is so ridiculously part-time it is not even worth mentioning - especially since I literally take home less than $150/month after paying the babysitter - but keeping this job does secure my status as a school district employee....making it easier to find a 'real' job when the time comes.  So, he might be a little less worried about our future now that I have taken that step toward being more employable down the line, and that reduced worry could definitely have put him more 'in the mood'.

It could also be the new bedroom set that we bought last week - FINALLY!  I gave up a few years ago on us ever finding affordable bedroom furniture that we both liked.  His taste is very modern, and mine is very traditional.  Anyway, Hubby just found this set at Costco and we both LOVED it, so now it is in our bedroom.  We actually had T.V. trays as our night stands for the last five years - can you say TACKY?  Now we're all grown-up all of a sudden.  But not too grown-up for a little *BOOM CHICKA WOW WOW*

Things still are not great, but every day I see more and more of the old Hubby shining through.  Getting better every day.

Yesterday I managed to work my two short shifts, deal with two different contractors here at the house, take care of Bobblehead AND take care of sick Knucklehead, and still made awesome breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my hubby. 

Oh, and I made cupcakes, too.

(did I mention that Bobblehead is teething and miserable?  Poor baby.  Ha - who am I kidding, what I meant to say was 'POOR MOMMY"!!!!)

alive and kicking

I hate when life keeps me from blogging - almost as much as I hate missing sleep (which I am doing right now, to catch you up)

So, the updates:

Hubby and I never actually had that talk that I planned.  He got home really late that night, so I didn't have a chance to butter him up.

I have tried to bring things up a few times since then, but my timing seriously sucks.  Giving up on 'the talk' for now.

HOWEVER.....

Things are getting a little bit better.  Slowly but surely.

Hubby is using his leave time to 'nest', which he has never really done in the four years we've lived here, or really even at our old house.  He is taking on home improvement projects that I never even knew he wanted to do, and has literally made a difference in every room in the house.  He even helped the kids tear apart and reorganize the playroom!  My favorite project so far: we got new bedroom furniture!  We still have to put the bed frame together today, and I really wish I had taken a 'before' picture.  We have been using t.v. trays as nightstands in our room for four years, and our bed has never had a real frame with a headboard.  Kind of cool to be actual grownups now.  :)  And part of me hopes that his extra efforts in the bedroom will not stop at buying furniture, of course! *WINK*

I do have to say, that area has improved a little, as well.  Not a lot, but still.....something is better than nothing.  In time, I think we could possibly get back to our old '2 or 3 times a week' habit.  And maybe some of those times won't be a QUICKIE?  Not that I am complaining, of course - a quickie is still fun!  But the thing I miss the most about our sex life is the intimacy, and there really isn't much time to connect when there's no foreplay, and very little cuddling afterward. 

We'll get there, eventually.

In the meantime, I am trying REALLY hard to focus on my own health, especially my weight.  I am walking more, eating less, and making better food choices overall.  This is really not that hard.  The difficult thing for me is to find another coping mechanism besides food to get me through the rough times.  When I am having a bad day, I eat.  When I am sad/lonely/angry etc, I eat.  This is clearly not doing me (or my sex life) any favors, so I am putting a stop to it - but needing a new vice. I need something less damaging to do for comfort.

Any suggestions? 

What do you do to pull yourself out of a funk?  Or, when you need to have a pity party all by yourself, what do you reach for?  (please don't say ice cream, because that's exactly what I need to get AWAY from).

Finding reasons to laugh

I am SUCH a mean mom!  MEAN, MEAN MEANIE! :)

But it was so damned funny....

I left the house this afternoon to pick up my 10 year old from school.  15 year old was home, and I was not going very far, so I left the garage door open (something else I can NEVER do when hubby is home - he would FREAK!). 

Almost home with 10 year old a few minutes later, stopped by the mailbox to witness 15 year old preparing to leave on his skateboard - he tried the trick where you push the button inside the garage to close the door, and you race out before the door can close on you.  This trick is pretty tough at our house, because we have sensors to keep the garage door from closing if there is something (OR SOMEONE) in the way...... so when I pushed the button on my remote in the car, and the door started to reopen, my son figured he had tripped a sensor.....he went back to try it again.  This time he was doing this hilarious 'mission impossible' thing to try to get out under the closing door without making it reopen....I laughed so hard I could barely push my button at the right time, but I still did.

(MEAN, I know!)  I should have stopped there, but was really enjoying this game, and so was my 10 year old sitting next to me in the car.  So I watched my confused teenager visibly check where the sensors were, but this time when he walked back inside the garage to try again, I pressed the button to close the door - let it go down about a foot before I pressed the button again, reversing it.  LAUGHED MY BUTT OFF as he literally scratched his head at this new development.  I continued to laugh as he waited a second, watching the pesky garage door.  When nothing else happened, he turned once more to head for the button on the wall, and when he was ALMOST there, I pushed my own button, closing the door, before I collapsed in another fit of laughter.  There were literally TEARS streaming down my face when I caught the right moment as the door was just inches from closing all the way, and I pressed my button one last time.

The look on my son's face this time was PRICELESS, I so wish I had thought to grab my little 'flip' videocamera to record everything!  You would have had to mute your computer to watch said video anyway, because the audio would have been pretty painful - I was cackling like one of those old scary witches from TV.

Anyway, the last time I opened the garage door, my poor son happened to look outside and see my car, less than 30 yards away, and he figured out pretty quickly what was going on.  He made a gesture toward me as if to say, "what the heck, Mom?" before he hopped on his skateboard and headed to his friend's house.

I'm so thankful he has a prankster's sense of humor, so he won't hold a grudge over this one.

It felt really really REALLY good to laugh, especially sharing the laugh with my younger son - I need to do that more often! (not the mean mom part, but the laughing-so-hard-it-makes-me-cry part, for sure!)

every cloud has a silver lining

I sometimes wonder where I would be today if I had not met and married my Marine. I can say without a doubt that he is my soul-mate, my other half – but I know plenty of people who have never met their soul-mate and yet are still ‘happy’. Or some version of happy. So I ask myself, could I have had a happy life without this man? Without the joy and the angst he brings me?


I don’t think so.

But since the next several months will be filled with more angst than joy, as he will be 6000+ miles away, I am looking for ways to focus on the positive and remember how to at least PRETEND to be happy in his absence.

So, to that end, here is a list of all the *good* things about deployment (I know, they are dramatically overshadowed by the bad things, but I’m trying to be POSITIVE! Work with me here.)


In no particular order:

1) During deployment, I can toss and turn as much as I need to for the half hour or hour that it normally takes for me to fall asleep.

2) During deployment, I can leave my dirty clothes on the floor in my bathroom, or wherever I choose to undress, until I am ready to wash them – no more worrying about getting it into that pesky laundry hamper!

3) During deployment, I can watch whatever girly-shows I want to on TV! (after I wrestle the remote away from my sons, of course) I can even hold the remote.

4) During deployment, I can have TOTAL SILENCE in the house if I choose – at least, while the kids are in school.

5) During deployment, I will only wash about HALF of the usual amount of laundry (since hubby’s laundry tends to be as much as mine and the boys’ put together, between his uniforms and his civilian clothes)

6) During deployment, I can have people OVER. This one is big, since hubby only lets me do this a few times a year – and I LOVE entertaining!

7) During deployment, I can leave my srapbooking projects sitting out for DAYS at a time with no one to complain about my clutter.

8) During deployment, I can eat cereal for breakfast EVERY MORNING if I want to (the kids prefer this and I hate doing dishes, so I enjoy the break from cooking hubby a hot breakfast every morning)

9) During deployment, if I don’t feel like blowdrying my hair, or putting on makeup, or even shaving my legs, NO ONE WILL CARE. No one will even notice, most likely

10) During deployment, we can have breakfast FOR DINNER – something hubby thinks is just inherently wrong. I’m talking waffles, eggs, turkey bacon, the works!



I will be adding to this list as I come up with more ideas – what is your favorite ‘silver lining’ about deployment?