Music Linkup, week 8

Have you linked up with Amber at Goodnight Moon yet?

This week's music post is dedicated to Jessica, over at {Mis}Adventures of an Army Wife.  If you missed the story earlier this week, Jessica has been struggling with some serious emotional trauma, and she made plans to take her own life & wrote a goodbye post/AKA suicide letter on her blog.  Thankfully she *IS* alive and getting help, and we are all praying she will make a full recovery.

Since we've opened the topic of Suicide, I have an interesting story to tell...but go ahead and click 'play' first so you can enjoy this song while you read:

If you've kept up with my blog, you know that my husband returned from deployment four months ago, and has not been himself ever since.  I am pretty sure he has PTSD, but he refuses to get diagnosed/treated.  About 3 1/2 weeks ago, he received a phone call out of the blue from a former colleague - a guy he hasn't seen in at least 8 years, maybe more like 10 years.  This friend asked my hubby to put together a funeral detail for him......in other words, the guy was suicidal.  They talked on the phone for HOURS (odd for my hubs because he hates talking on the phone) and by the time they hung up, his friend was feeling better, and agreed to call and check in with Jarhead the next day.  They've talked a few more times since then, and his friend seems to have a better perspective on things now.

The significant part about this incident is not that hubby talked him down; it is that, within a few hours after that initial phone call, I began to see little bits of *MY HUSBAND* showing through.  Somehow, being needed (by someone besides me or the kids) seemed to really pull him out of his shell.  Or maybe it was a 'mirror' for hubby, who had hinted at some suicidal thoughts of his own a few weeks earlier.  Perhaps he didn't like what he saw in that 'mirror' and was suddenly motivated to change?

Either way, it has brought about some serious changes here. 

We are still not in the clear, but hubby (finally) returned to work later that week, after three months of being at home.  [he is a reservist, and his civilian employer encouraged him to burn through some of his accrued vacation time before coming back to work, since it will be tough to get any vacation approved now that he is back on the schedule].  He started working out at the gym every day, like he used to.  He even jokes around with me sometimes, the way he used to.  The intimacy thing has gotten a little better, too. 

We still have a long way to go, but I am cautiously optimistic about the outcome now.  I have felt so lost and alone through this whole process, and so many times I myself was feeling hopeless and helpless, and had those awful dark thoughts, imagining what it would be like to end it all. 

Now I have more hope,

and am SO HAPPY

that I found the strength to

"Hold on for one more day"

a hundred or so times.

If you are also in that dark, desolate place that Jessica is fighting her way back from, PLEASE, just hold on.  Call someone, maybe even someone you haven't talked to in years.  If nothing else, EMAIL ME and we can exchange numbers and talk about it.  You are NEVER truly alone.

Hold on for one more day.